Learn English with Two Old Men.
Geoffrey is always losing things, but not his shoes!
Another funny story from the two old men.
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- ALFRED: Hello everyone. It’s me Alfred. I’m here alone and I’m still waiting for Geoffrey to arrive. He’s getting old. To be honest this podcast is good for him, it gets him out of the house, it gives him purpose and it also stops him talking to the trees. At least he can talk and think someone is listening. I’m not. Hmm. Is there anyone listening? Are you our 1 listener?
- ALFRED: Come in.
- Geoffrey: Yes, hello!
- ALFRED: You don’t need to knock Geoffrey. You are one of the presenters on this show. This is your office too.
- Geoffrey: Yes, thank you. I always knock first before I enter.
- ALFRED:Why is that?
- Geoffrey: It’s because sometimes I get confused where I am. The last time I didn’t knock, I accidently walked in on a mother giving birth to a baby. Can you imagine! The shock of an old man walking in during her labour really helped that baby shoot out! They say it was one of the quickest births they’ve ever had!
- ALFRED: What were you doing in the hospital?
- Geoffrey: Well, I don’t know. I didn’t even want to go to the hospital. I thought it was the supermarket. At least, I got some free food out of the experience.
- ALFRED: Free food? From the hospital?
- Geoffrey: Yes, they left all these trays of cooked dinners just lying about in the corridors.
- ALFRED: oh dear.
- Geoffrey: I thought, why let all this food go to waste?
- ALFRED: Geoffrey, you do know that that food is for the patients, don’t you?
- Geoffrey: Oh no! Really?
- ALFRED: Yes.
- Geoffrey: But why leave it in the hospital corridors? That sounds like a silly place to keep food.
- ALFRED: Nurses are very busy.
- Geoffrey: Well, I’ll donate some money to the hospital to make up for it.
- ALFRED: You don’t have any money spare from that small pension.
- Geoffrey: Yes, that’s right. Well, I’ll go sing to the patients.
- ALFRED: I don’t think the patients need any more shocks Geoffrey.
- Geoffrey: Oh!
- ALFRED: Anyway, Geoffrey, why are you late today?
- Geoffrey: Well, it’s bit embarrassing you see.
- ALFRED: Don’t worry; we’ve only got one listener. I’m sure they won’t tell anyone. Will you?
- Geoffrey: Yes. We only have one listener!
- ALFRED: Yes, just the one. Maybe I can help you Geoffrey, although I think in some areas you are way past help.
- Geoffrey: Yes, well thank you. I suppose so. If you look at my feet, you’ll see that I’m wearing my slippers.
- ALFRED: Ah, yes, you are. But don’t you usually wear your slippers?
- Geoffrey: Yes, I do, but not in the street. I usually wear shoes in the street. That is, except for the days that I forgot to put my slippers on.
- ALFRED: Which is basically most weeks, isn’t it!
- Geoffrey: Yes, I suppose itis quite common, but this time, I didn’t forget.
- ALFRED: Ok, I’m sure this story can get more interesting! Oh, I hope so! Why don’t you start at the beginning?
- Geoffrey: Yes, yes, yes. It all started last night when I was watching the TV.
- ALFRED: What sort of things do you watch? I imagine you like wildlife documentaries and programmes about antiques like me, don’t you?
- Geoffrey: No, actually. I was watching a reality TV show about an American pop star. They follow her around in her life. To be honest, I only watch it because women my age wear so many layers of clothes, that sometimes you think they must living in a wardrobe.
- ALFRED: Hahaha. Well, I suppose people our age feel the cold more. You are no spring chicken yourself, Geoffrey!
- Geoffrey: Yes, I suppose not. Anyway, I was watching TV when I heard a strange sound in the garden. So, I put my shoes on and went to investigate. It was dark and in the corner of the garden I saw a fox, and I’m not talking about my wife!
- ALFRED: You still call your wife a fox which means sexy.
- Geoffrey: Yes, it’s good to be sexy sometimes at our age.
- ALFRED: Wait, you don’t have a wife!
- Geoffrey: Yes, that true. But, I can still have fantasies!
- ALFRED: Anyway, what did you do with it?
- Geoffrey: My fantasy wife?
- ALFRED: No, the fox.
- Geoffrey: Oh yes, I decided to chase it out of the garden. We got into a bit of a fight and the fox won!
- ALFRED: The fox won!?
- Geoffrey: Yes, the fox won.
- ALFRED: Wow, what can I do with this man? So, what happened with your shoes?
- Geoffrey: Well, because the fox won, I had to spend the night outside.
- ALFRED: The fox won! Did it lock you out of the house?
- Geoffrey: Please! Don’t be ridiculous! This is a serious story!
- ALFRED: Ah, sorry
- Geoffrey: You see I had chased the fox quite a long way and I was too tired to find my way back home. So, I found a nice rubbish bin which was warm. So, I settled down and went to sleep.
- ALFRED: It must have smelt bad!
- Geoffrey: Yes, a little, but at our age you can sleep anywhere!
- ALFRED: Well, I don’t think I could sleep in a bin!
- Geoffrey: You have slept on my couch before and that does smell similar!
- ALFRED: Yes, I remember. I was surprised about the amount of things you’d lost down the back of the sofa. I remember finding, money, old socks and about 20 pairs of glasses.
- Geoffrey: Yes, I’m always losing my glasses, so I thought why not buy 50 pairs of glasses and then when I lose them, I don’t have to get stressed looking for them. I just put on a new pair. The only problem, is that sometimes I don’t remember where I put the boxes of new glasses.
- ALFRED: So, back to the story. You slept in a bin! Did the fox take your shoes?
- Geoffrey: Don’t be silly! You do have the most ridiculous ideas Alfred! So, when I woke-up, I needed to go to the bathroom. I saw a tree that I could use as the toilet. However, it was quite windy. So, I decided to take my shoes off.
- ALFRED: What have your shoes got to do with the wind?
- Geoffrey: I didn’t want to get them wet when I went to the bathroom.
- ALFRED: Oh, I’m surprised that they let you live alone!
- Geoffrey: Yes, so am I! I left my shoes next to the bin and went to the bathroom behind the tree.
- ALFRED: Ok…
- Geoffrey: However, when I was behind the tree, I heard a truck coming up the road. I had drank quite a lot the previous night and I was taking a long time to finish.
- ALFRED: Right.
- Geoffrey: When I got back, I saw the rubbish truck leaving the street. They had taken all the rubbish from the bins.
- ALFRED: I see.
- Geoffrey: They had emptied the bin I was sleeping in and taken everything, including my shoes!
- ALFRED: You do know that this could only happen to you Geoffrey!
- Geoffrey: Yes, I don’t know why these situations usually happen to me.
- ALFRED: Anyway, do you need me to take you to the shoe shop?
- Geoffrey: Thanks but no. I’ve already lost all my dignity, so, I might as well keep my slippers on all the time! They are ever so comfy!
- ALFRED: Wow. I guess we don’t need to record a podcast! With your stories of the previous nights, I don’t need to plan the podcast. I just have to ask you how was your day!
- Geoffrey: Yes! Can I go now? My show starts at 7pm and I don’t want to miss the last bus!
- ALFRED: Sure, say goodbye.
- Geoffrey: Ok, goodbye Geoffrey!
- ALFRED: You’re Geoffrey! Anyway, goodbye everyone!
- Geoffrey: Goodbye!
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