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S1E33 – Learn English with Crazy Stories – I Can Speak to Ducks

Episode Notes

Learn English with Crazy Stories

WARNING: The topics covered in this story may be of an adult nature. However, this story is just for fun.

She always felt disappointed in sex. But, then one day, it all changed. However, she didn’t know why it changed until she went to see her doctor.

I can talk to ducks
I’ve always been a person of nature! I’ve always enjoyed the great outdoors. My family has always had pets. At the weekends, there is nothing I like better than to go for a long walk in the mountains.
What I love most about nature are the animals. It just reminds me of what the world could be like if we removed all the hatred around us. Animals are great! I love spending time with them. One week, I can be watching dolphins from the coast, another could be spent bird watching and another could be at home watching my dog, which spends most of his time licking his own…parts!
My relationship with animals is great. I’m only 25, but I’ve had all types of pets, from spiders to rabbits and from mice to snakes. My favourite pet was probably Tim the spider. I found him in the garden one day. I kept him in a lunchbox. He was great because my mother was scared of him, so she never went into my room. So, she never found my adult magazines and I never had to tidy my room either.
Regarding my relationships with other people, they haven’t been so great! I have difficulty making friends and sympathizing with other people. I felt lonely at school and I’ve never had a real girlfriend. My love of pets has even stopped my chances of getting a girlfriend. I remember one girl, Tammy was her name. I met her in science class. I just loved the way she dissected her frog. It was so elegant how she cut the frog. It was like beauty and the beast! One day in class, I passed her a note and told her that I liked her. We started talking and we got on really well. We flirted a lot with each other. We may have even shared a little kiss after school. I thought that she was going to be my first girlfriend. I was actually starting to fall in love with her.
She didn’t mind that I was shy and sometimes found it difficult to get my words out. It took me a few weeks, but I eventually asked her to come to my house. We went to my room. I showed her my hamster. She liked it. I can’t remember its name. I then asked her if she’d like to see something bigger than a hamster. She was a little confused. So, I asked her she’d like to see my snake. I then mentioned that if she held my snake in her hands that it would be a lot happier. She ran out of my room and all the way home. I didn’t speak to her again.
I decided that animals were better than people, but I was still hungry for conversation. Could I speak to the animals? Could I learn their languages? It was at this moment in my life that I started to imitate animals. I would spend all day watching animal videos trying to copy their sounds. Now, it was time to see if they would understand me in real life!
The first animal I tried to speak to was my neighbour’s dog. But when I started copying it, it just seemed to make it angrier. My neighbour eventually came out and asked me to stop. I then decided to try birds by copying their whistles. However, even though I managed to imitate them well, it just felt like I…we were singing a song and the birds never made eye contact.
I began to think about what is an animal that is not shy, that I can find in any park. It was obvious; ducks! I spent a month listening and trying to copy duck sounds. I tried to see if there were different sounds for when they were hungry or not. I was ready!
The first time that I tried to speak directly to a duck was in a park. The ducks looked at me and came over to visit me, but I think that they were more interested in my sandwich. Their association of humans and bread stopped any communication. I was disappointed and sad. Talking to animals is impossible, isn’t it? Reality hurts.
Everything changed a year later. I was on holiday and went for a walk up a mountain. I was alone, of course. I was a little tired, so I sat down next to a pond. At first, I didn’t hear anything. But then from behind me I heard a faint ‘quack, quack’ sound. It was a duck. I was thinking and asking myself “Shall I try to speak to it one more time?” My answer was yes. I started to imitate the ducks sound. The duck suddenly moved its head from side to side. It was responding to me! It was looking for the other duck (me) that was speaking to it! Wow, I was having a conversation with a duck. It then started to follow me as I left. This duck was in love with me! Unfortunately, I had to leave it behind.
Since then, I have bought my own ducks for my garden. I spend all day speaking to them. They don’t associate me with bread, so we can spend hours and hours together speaking about everything. It’s true; we don’t use actual vocabulary, but for me the conversation is more about the feeling behind the sounds. They accept me as a duck! I accept them as my family.

Now, I’ll say goodbye in duck “quack, quack, quack, quack”. Goodbye!

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