Learn English with Two Old Men.
The Two Old Men are back! This is a two-part episode. An episode of mystery and a very long story by Geoffrey!
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- Alfred: Welcome to the second and final part of our story about false teeth. Do you want to remind the audience what happened last time Geoffrey?
- Geoffrey: Last time?
- Alfred: Yes, in last week’s episode.
- Geoffrey: What do you mean last week’s episode? We just recorded that last episode 5 minutes ago!
- Alfred: Oh no! Geoffrey, for the listeners, a week has passed since the last episode. Yes, we are recording both episodes at once. But, they don’t know that.
- Geoffrey: They do now! You just told them!
- Alfred: Please, just tell them what happened.
- Geoffrey: Ok. I was on a bus with Doris. She took out her teeth to try and kiss me. However, we couldn’t find her teeth. So, everyone on the bus started looking for them. We didn’t find them. We only found a false leg!
- Alfred: Thanks Geoffrey. So, this is part 2. You found the false leg and what happened next?
- Geoffrey: I stood up and as I was taking the false leg to the front of the bus, I felt a hand on my backside.
- Alfred: A hand on your backside?
- Geoffrey: Yes! That’s what I said! I thought it was Doris, trying to get her hands on me again. So, I told her “Not now! Please don’t touch my backside!” It’s a danger zone down there at my age.
- Alfred: Did she stop?
- Geoffrey: No. She then touched my backside again. I was starting to get a little frustrated! I said “I’m sorry, but I’m a married man, now please stop touching my bum, Doris!”
- Alfred: Was it Doris who was touching your bum?
- Geoffrey: Yes, I looked back and it was Doris. Bent over looking and touching my bum. Quite aggressively too!
- Alfred: Oh!
- Geoffrey: So, I started to wave the false-leg in her direction.
- Alfred: Why?
- Geoffrey: To try and scare her off of course!
- Alfred: Did it work?
- Geoffrey: Yes! She moved back a little of afraid of my aggressive waving, then she went to the back of the bus. I stayed at the front, away from that sex mad woman! We eventually all stopped looking and the bus arrived at my stop. I gave the false-leg to the bus-driver.
- Alfred: So you never did find the false-teeth, did you?
- Geoffrey: Wait for it!
- Alfred: Ok, go ahead.
- Geoffrey: As I got off the bus. I noticed a man in the distance. He was coming towards the bus. He looked quite animated and he was hopping.
- Alfred: He was hopping, on one leg?
- Geoffrey: Yes! Yes!
- Alfred: Ok, of course! He must have been the man that…
- Geoffrey: He looked quite angry, so I said to the bus driver you should go quickly, there’s a strange man coming towards the bus.
- Alfred: Geoffrey?
- Geoffrey: So, the bus drove off before the man arrived.
- Alfred: Geoffrey?
- Geoffrey: Yes? What is it Alfred?
- Alfred: You don’t think that was the man who was missing the false-leg, do you?
- Geoffrey: Oh! I didn’t think of that. He could have at least walked a little calmer!
- Alfred: Dear me!
- Geoffrey: As I was saying. I was all a little tired by the situation! So, I decided to go the park. However, when I sat down, I felt something on my bottom!
- Alfred: Was it Doris?
- Geoffrey: No! She stayed on the bus!
- Alfred: What was it then?
- Geoffrey: It was Doris’s false teeth! They were stuck to my trousers by a melted chocolate bar!
- Alfred: So, Doris was only trying to get her teeth and wasn’t trying to touch your backside then.
- Geoffrey: Yes, now I know that!
- Alfred: Poor Doris.
- Geoffrey: Poor Geoffrey! Another pair of trouser ruined!
- Alfred: Did you give Doris her teeth back?
- Geoffrey: No, not yet. I’ve been using them to hide my sweets from my wife!
- Alfred: Geoffrey! Give them back!
- Geoffrey: Well, where can I hide my sweets?
- Alfred: You should really talk to your wife!
- Geoffrey: But, sometimes I can’t understand a word she is saying!
- Alfred: That because you’re half-deaf!
- Geoffrey: Yes, yes, yes! What?
- Alfred: I’ll tell you what you can leave your sweets here, that is until you speak to your wife.
- Geoffrey: You won’t eat them will you?
- Alfred: Of course not! I’m more of a biscuit-man myself!
- Geoffrey: You are a great friend!
- Alfred: Thanks. Now, go and give Doris her teeth back. Then, go home and speak to your wife!
- Geoffrey: Alright. I’m going!
- Alfred: Bye Geoffrey.
- Geoffrey: Bye!
- Alfred: Well, Geoffrey has gone, so that is another podcast finished. Thanks for listening. Now, where did he put those sweets?
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