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S1E19 – Learn English with Crazy Stories – I Had a Sex Toy in me for 10 Years

Episode Notes

Learn English with Crazy Stories

WARNING: The topics covered in this story may be of an adult nature. However, this story is just for fun.

She always felt disappointed in sex. But, then one day, it all changed. However, she didn’t know why it changed until she went to see her doctor.

When people look at me they think that I must be a very strong and outgoing girl because I’m very tall. But, in reality I’ve always been quite shy. I came from a very conservative family, so I didn’t have my first sexual experience until I was 21. It was terrible. I felt like a councillor or a physiologist, because he just lay there. It was also like as if he thought my breasts were stress balls. He also kept asking me if he was doing it right every five minutes. I had to keep telling him he was doing well and should continue.
Basically, I didn’t enjoy sex. I spent my twenties going from one disappointing sexual experience to another. Do guys realize that I have a pulse or not? Do they realize that my nipples don’t turn on the radio? Do they not realize that I’m like a car on a frosty morning and that they need to warm me up a little bit before the journey? Through my twenties, I went from one disappointment to another. No guy could satisfy me in bed.
When I turned 30, I met my current partner Mark. He’s a really nice guy; he cooks, listens, but is terrible in bed. I’ve never told him. Can I change his name to Brian, just in case he listens to this podcast? The good thing with Mark is that he listens. He’s a good student. I’ve taught him about foreplay, I’ve taught him that women’s breasts are not basketballs and I’ve taught him to be patient. The sex is much better with Brian, I mean Mark… no, Brian, but I just can’t reach that final level of pleasure. Maybe it was my body?
One day, I was having a little house party with some of my girlfriends and one of them told me about a new sex toy that she had bought. All the girls were laughing. I giggled every time she said the word “vibrator”. With the drinks, we eventually convinced her to go and get it. Guys, this is not that type of story ok! She came down with it and explained a little about how it works. I’d never seen a sex toy up close and personal before. I was surprised that it looked quite eloquent! They said I should get one, that I’m not a sweet 16 year old girl anymore. I was very embarrassed. Eventually, we decided to have an Ann Summers Party the following month.
To be honest, I thought they had forgotten about the idea, but as the following month approached I received a message inviting me to go. For those of you who don’t know, an Ann Summers party is where a rep (representative) from Ann Summers comes to your house, you look at their toys and play a few games. I reluctantly agreed.
The day of the party arrived. It was summer so I was wearing a nice flowery dress. We drank a little wine and were all giggling to ourselves as we were waiting for the Ann Summers sales rep. She was a very formal and smart woman, but had a great sense of humour! However, when she started to get the toys out, that set me off and I couldn’t stop laughing.
Unfortunately, Samantha, one of my friends was a little drunk and fell into the table. The sex toys went everywhere, all over the floor. We apologized and picked them all up – well, that is what we thought. We sent Samantha upstairs to lie down. It was at that moment that the sales rep brought out an XL sized product. It was so big! She asked me to hold it. It made me laugh so much out of embarrassment that I fell over. I landed on something and it hurt! I felt a hard bump to my groin; I thought it was because I had landed on the chair leg. I thought maybe I had bruised something down there. I decided to go home and rest to see if it would get better. Luckily, I felt better the next day. So, I decided to not go to the doctor’s.
A week later, Mark was horny. He wanted to have sex with me. As usual, I agreed. He started to touch me in the way I had taught him. However, I was expecting another disappointment in the eternal struggle to have an orgasm. But this time was different. It was amazing!
I didn’t know what Brian did, but somehow he had given me my first orgasm in my life, at 32. I say the first…In reality, he gave me the 1st, 2nd and he made coffee after. Finally!
Over the next ten years I had incredible sex. I think I was more active than Mark, I mean Brian! However, all good things come to an end. We had been trying for a baby for 5 years. I was in the final years of a woman’s baby-making window, so I decided to see a doctor. They checked my blood, nothing! They looked at my history, nothing. Eventually, they decided to take scans of my insides.
I will never forget the pure embarrassment, when the doctor put the x-ray on the wall. There was a picture of my body and in the middle was what looked like a small penis. I asked the doctor if it was natural. He said that it definitely wasn’t! He said it looked like a sex toy. Then it all came flooding back to me. The last time that I used a sex toy was at that party! The pain I felt was me falling on top of the sex toy! It has been inside me for 10 years!
The doctor removed it and luckily it hadn’t caused any damage. We had our first baby last year. However, since the sex toy was removed, I’ve noticed that sex hasn’t been pleasurable. I’ve never told Brian this. So, now I keep and hide that same sex toy next to the bed. But that is our secret, right?

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